I planned on a writing a post today detailing my own recent health journey that ended happily.  I’m delaying that post until the weekend due to the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy.

Being a parent and as someone with strong East Coast ties, I’m heartbroken.  I think every human being who has heard anything about this story is heartbroken right now.

I was one of those people that was never going to have a child.  Ever.  When my heart changed and I was able to have a child, I was nervous but thrilled (while I won’t show a recent picture of my child on this blog, I feel that the following photos are necessary for this post).

Wild Boy at 3 weeks old.

Day after Wild Boy’s birth. I could and should have touched this up a bit, not my best look.

Becoming a parent changed me.  I hate to fall into the chasm of cliche but it’s true.  I smiled more, loved deeper, felt hope grow and overall, learned not only more about myself as a human being but I got the chance to fall even deeper in love with my husband (perhaps not the first month post partum but certainly afterward and many days since).

My son (it still feels strange to say that) has brought a dimension of love to my life that I never thought possible.  I come from an extremely dysfunctional immediate family and I constantly marvel over the fact that I am part of a semi-normal immediate family for another human being.  My little boy is such a happy human being with a loving heart and soul that makes me cry with joy often.

This is a recent note Wild Boy gave to me just because.

There are definitely days I don’t like being a parent.  I love my child with a fierceness I never thought possible but there are days I want to run away and hide because my patience has worn thin.

I have always had the utmost respect for every teacher my child has had.  Our go-to babysitter in Brooklyn was Wild Boy’s first day care teacher at Eladia’s Kids.  This family run day-care and pre-school became helped my husband and I become better parents and helped my baby learn to walk, talk and become the loving, smart child he is today.  Eladia’s still loves the Wild Boy too – he’s featured on their home page picture rotation.

Wild Boy’s 1st Birthday at daycare. Decorations were done by his first teacher, Odalys.

Then Wild Boy went to the Montessori Day School of Brooklyn where he became a Peaceful Dove under the wings of some of the most wonderfully patient and loving teachers I’ve ever come to know.  My Wild Boy blossomed here from a baby into a real preschooler who became concerned not only about himself but the world around him.

Naive perhaps but I’ve always felt my child was safe with his teachers.  Today the teachers of Sandy Hook tried to make their students feel safe and loved.  Like many of the students killed today, my kindergartner has made his teachers to be extensions of our family.  It is often said that teachers are loved and appreciated with emotion but not nearly paid enough for the influences they have on children.  This is certainly true.

I am thankful that today teachers made very scared children feel safe and loved in moments of terror.  I’m nauseated at the thought of any child having to experience what the children of Sandy Hook endured today.

I couldn’t help but cry off and on all day for the children, the teachers and family members who will likely never get over this experience.

I hugged Wild Boy for a very long time when he got home from school today.  He asked me why I needed to hug him so much today and although I didn’t want to shelter him from the truth, I couldn’t bear to tell him exactly why.  I told him that I was just sad and that his hug would help me feel a little better today.  He looked at me a little strangely but didn’t ask any further questions (quite unlike him).

I have to say that the direction of this post did not develop as I originally planned but it is difficult to focus on something so wrought with emotion.  I can’t help but continue to be heartbroken and still find that I’m holding back tears.  I must express my thankfulness to the many teachers that have cared for and continue to care for my child and make him feel safe.  I am sending prayers, support and have donated money via Crowdrise for the Sandy Hook Elementary School Victims Relief, though it seems like a minuscule gesture in comparison to the emotion I feel.

I can’t help but be especially grateful for having my kindergartner safe and sound today.  I only hope that I don’t have to explain to him the real reason I needed that extra-long hug today.