Today’s post was intended differently but duty as a parent called.
Wild Boy was afraid to go to bed by himself for the last two nights after watching a TV movie (with the equivalent of a G rating) about a minor league baseball team who takes on a young autistic pitcher. The movie overall was as squeaky clean as you can imagine but there was one scene where the pitcher gets beaten up by some members of an opposing team. WB has not been able to get this scene out of his head and has needed me to help him relax enough to go to sleep.
The rational part of me tried to talk Wild Boy out of the fear. I tried to help him understand that there was very little chance of anything or anyone that would hurt him in any way like what happened to the pitcher in the movie and he turned around and said, “Mom, haven’t you ever just been scared? I’m trying to make the thoughts go away but they won’t.”
So instead of writing the post that I intended to write, I took care of my nearly second grader and soothed him to sleep. He held my arm, kissed my hand and snuggled next to me until he fell asleep. It’s a powerful and beautiful thing to realize that you have the ability to make someone feel safe and secure. As a professional, it’s a skill you develop but as a parent, a friend and a human being, it’s a gift that’s given to you.
What has someone done for you that meant more to you than that person could ever realize?
I think that as adults, it is too easy for us to rationalize the fears that were all too real to us as children. We’re so far away from them, yet we often get called upon to “solve the problem” for our children/nieces+nephews/etc. and so have to try, in those situations, to see things through their eyes, not our own, in order to help them through the fear. It is one of the most difficult things to do as an adult when relating to a child, especially a child so close to us (sorry, my therapist hat it on!) But seems like you did beautifully–how is he feeling??
Awww. I can totally relate. I was irrationally terrified of the “James and the Giant Peach” movie and cried the entire day after I saw it. (His aunts were so terrifying!)
The smallest gestures really do mean the most to me, too!
That is so beautiful and sweet!
Ii really look to my husband to feel safe and secure. When he is traveling for work I always have nightmares that someone is breaking into our apartment (even though we live on the 23rd floor of a doorman building!). It’s my subconscious trying to deal with the fact that I feel safer when he is around.
Okay, now I feel better (and less like a crybaby) because I live in a house, and that’s how I feel when my husband travels on business! (I used to feel that way when we lived on the 29th floor of a doorman building, but not as much. But in a house? forget it!)
During my move to NYC… I had some people show up who I had never expected to be there in such an emotional time. It completely changed the way I look at them now, and I appreciate their friendship more than ever.
I loved hearing about your wild boy. 🙂 I get a fraction of that feeling from my nephew when he snuggles up next to me when he sleeps. I can only imagine what it’s like when it would be my own child.
Kimberly:
It is amazing how people don’t realize their impact on you and you don’t realize their impact on them. Small gestures from the heart can really mean so much.
As someone who never ever thought they’d be a parent, this experience is soul changing. That love that you give to and feel for your nephew is special – treasure it because I can guarantee that he will.
PS – I know when the time comes that you, my friend, will be one amazing parent.
Brittany: I used to have those freak out sessions when I was young but rarely have them now (even though Jay travels often). I like how you flipped your fear into recognizing that someone special in your life can make you feel safe. I think that’s a testament to a good person.
Gillian: Those Aunts were terrifying! The movie (and the book as well) were scary – then again, most Dahl books make an adult the villain (then one or both die) and the child is the hero. I love the Dahl books but he definitely must have had a crappy childhood!
Thanks my friend. WB is ok for now but we still have tonight….
So true. And I think it’s so easy to let an opportunity slip through the cracks as life gets busier. Yet even more important to take the time when they need us. Or they’ll stop asking. Good mama!
I never really thought about it that way but you’re absolutely right. Since we had been sleeping in several different hotel rooms while traveling, there was plenty of waking up and being scared by the boys. It IS a wonderful thing to be the one who can comfort them.
My oldest had a stretch where he couldn’t go to sleep on his own. I made me feel good that I could be there to help him out of his fears.
Thank you for the support wise mama!
As our kids grow it’s hard to remember that this time is fleeting and how important we are to our kids. It’s hard to stay in the moment and recognize that, right?
Luckily this seems to have passed but it was indeed good to be the one to help quell the fear.